Crossroads Remake
by capri1228
Summary: I have revamped my original fic to include the end of Season 3 and Season 4.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I own no part of Farscape or its characters.  
  
Setting: After Unrealized Realities (Of course since there are no new episodes until January 2003, this is all speculation and fantasy on my part.)  
  
Summary: There comes a time in every life when you reach a crossroad. When you must decide what you truly want and if you have the guts to go after it.  
  
After returning to earth in true heroic fashion, John Crichton is now faced with his own crossroads.  
  
Part 1 Home Sweet Home?  
  
The North Carolina air was thick with humidity. It was threatening rain for a couple of days but nothing had come of it. John stood on the porch of his family home staring at the sky. He had a strange feeling inside. He knew the conditions were right for a wormhole. He was amazed at how in tuned he still was with wormholes, even though he was on the ground. Even though he could not see the wormholes he was predicting, he knew they were there.  
  
The elder Crichton stepped out into the heavy air. John was staring up at the sky  
  
Jack: John?  
  
He did not respond. Jack walked up and touched his arm. He was startled and the moisture covered glass slipped from his hand and shattered on the porch. John looked down then back at his father.  
  
John: Sorry Dad.  
  
He bent down and started picking up the bigger pieces of glass.  
  
John: I did not hear you come out.  
  
Jack: I have been calling you for five minutes.  
  
John stood up and walked passed his dad into the house. Jack followed behind him.  
  
Jack: John, I think we need to talk.  
  
John: Sure dad. Just let me throw this away and wash my hands.  
  
John dropped the glass into the trash. He walked over to the sink and washed the sticky tea off of his hands and grabbed a paper towel from the roll. Jack walked in the kitchen behind him.  
  
John: What is on your mind?  
  
Jack: I could ask you the same.  
  
John: What do you mean?  
  
Jack: You have been home for a year and a half just about and I get the feeling that you have not fully returned yet.  
  
John: (biting his lower lip) The adjustment is harder than I thought it was going to be. I will be fine. I just need a little time.  
  
Jack: You have had a whole year. I do not understand what the problem is. You have been practically given the key to IASA for your knowledge and work on wormholes and yet it seems that you wish you were somewhere else. Somewhere far, far away perhaps.  
  
John: When I accidentally found my way back home, I thought (voice trailed off)  
  
Jack: You thought what?  
  
John looked into his father.  
  
John: I knew I had changed in a lot of ways from the John Crichton I was four cycles, years, ago but I thought somehow just being back in my home world that everything would fall into place and it would be like I never left.  
  
Jack: Four years is a long time for things to stay the same.  
  
John: I do not mean external things. I mean inside. I thought things inside would just click and it would be like I never left. That is just not happening.  
  
Jack: Is that why Carolyn does not come around anymore?  
  
John: I tried to explain to her how I have changed. She says I am too withdrawn. I hold my feelings to close and I am not letting her in.  
  
Jack: Is she right?  
  
John: Like you said four years is a long time for things to go unchanged.  
  
John stared out the window. He could feel the opening of the wormhole inside his gut. A slight smile came to his face.  
  
Jack: Whether all the stories you have told us really happened or not, you have obviously been through something. You just have to give yourself time to readjust. With experiences come change, it is how we deal with that change that defines us.  
  
John: A lot of things happened to me out there, Dad. I have changed in ways even I could not have imagined. I tried to explain to Carolyn but she just could not understand what I was trying to say or may be she was just afraid, like a lot of people are, to know that there is such a violent and complex universe so close to ours.  
  
Jack: People fear what they do not understand.  
  
John: (sighing) I know.  
  
John turned around leaned against the sink. He crossed his arms.  
  
Jack: You have not spoken of your crew mates for quite a while now. When you first came back, they were practically all you talked about.  
  
John looked over at him.  
  
John: Talking about them makes me realize how much I miss them.  
  
John laid his hands behind him against the counter edge.  
  
John: For four years all I thought about was coming home. Getting back to earth and trying to get some semblance of my life back the way it was before I got sucked through that wormhole. But now that I am here  
  
He trailed off again.  
  
Jack: Now that you are here, all you think about is what you left behind.  
  
John: Life was not easy up there. We were constantly being thrown into one dangerous situation after another but I felt alive. They needed me and I needed them to survive. They were aliens, warriors from a distant universe we never even heard of and I earned their respect, their trust, and their love and they earned mine.  
  
Jack: You are talking like you want to go back.  
  
John: They must think I am dead. I disappeared down a wormhole, the same way I arrived.  
  
Jack: Are you speaking of someone in particular?  
  
John lowered his eyes.  
  
John: I can not stop thinking about her. I can only imagine the pain she must have gone through thinking that she lost not one of us, but both of us. There were so many unresolved things between us. The biggest being the child she is carrying.  
  
Jack: So you believe the child is yours?  
  
John looked up at him.  
  
John: When Aeryn first came back that seemed to be all that mattered to me, whether the child was mine or not. But being home and surrounded by my friends and family made me realize something. It does not matter. If that child is carrying my DNA or not, that child is part of Aeryn and that makes it a part of me.  
  
Jack: What do you want to do John? Do you want to use that knowledge in your head to go back?  
  
John: I am not sure what I want. All I know is that I have not felt like John Crichton, the John Crichton I have come to know, since I got back.  
  
John looked at his father.  
  
John: (looking around the room) I fell down the rabbit hole, and now it feels like Alice does not live here anymore.  
  
Jack: It sounds like you have resolved your feelings for Aeryn Sun and she is the reason you want to go back.  
  
John: She is a part of it, a big part, but not all of it. It is hard to explain.  
  
Jack: I need you to try.  
  
John: It has to do with who I became while I was Buck Rogers saving the universe from critters. I am not the son you remember anymore. I have not been him for a long time. Before I left in my module that day, I had this preconceived notion about the space program and my place in it. I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. Then fate dropped me onto Moya with this group of alien misfits. It turned out we were all like the broken toys on Santa's train. We needed each other to heal and to grow and to become who were meant to be. Life experience shapes who we are and I have had an experience of a lifetime and it has shaped me into the man you see before you and this man no longer fits into this world.  
  
Jack: Sounds like you have made a decision.  
  
Jack looked into his clear blue eyes.  
  
John: Dad.  
  
Jack cut him off. He leaned against the counter beside him.  
  
Jack: When you disappeared off of the radar, I can not even begin to tell you what that felt like.  
  
John: You do not have to. I am the son of an astronaut, remember? The great Jack Crichton.  
  
Jack: I thought you were dead. I mourned you and memorialized you and then miraculously you returned to us. I had my son back but I could see he was not the same man I said goodbye to that day.  
  
Jack smiled slightly.  
  
Jack: Having you back has been amazing and I am grateful to have had the time that we have had but I do not want to be the reason for the pain and loneliness I see behind your eyes.  
  
John stared at him.  
  
Jack: You have her eyes, your mom. Whenever you wanted to know exactly what she was feeling all you had to do was look into those amazing eyes.  
  
John: Dad.  
  
Jack: Having said that, I think you should, if you can, go back home. Go find your other family, the woman you love, your child.  
  
Jack shook his head in amusement and disbelief.  
  
Jack: My grandchild.  
  
John stood in stunned silence for a moment.  
  
John: Do you mean that? I would have your blessing?  
  
Jack: Knowing you as I do, I am sure you have all ready worked out several plans of departure. My only question, it has been a year and a half since you left this Moya, how are you going to find them again? How will they find you?  
  
John was excited. He took his arm.  
  
John: Sit down Dad.  
  
John sat down at the table. Jack sat across from him.  
  
John: In my head is the ability to not only predict when a wormhole is going to form but I can also navigate them with my mind. I only need the clarity of my own thoughts and a familiar signature. That is what drew me to Earth when I was looking for Moya. I felt a familiar signature and I followed it.  
  
Jack: So you need a ship.  
  
John: I need the suit I arrived in.  
  
Jack: IASA has it. They have it in a high security area. They are still trying to figure out the material and how you lasted so long in orbit without sustaining any physical damage.  
  
John: I have been talking to DK. We have come up with a plan to retrieve it.  
  
Jack: You said that the knowledge in your head made you a target in this other universe. The fact that you have mastered wormholes will make you an even bigger target?  
  
John: Do you remember what you told me the first time I was going to fly solo when I was 18?  
  
Jack lowered his eyes. He thought for a moment then looked up at John.  
  
John: Decide what you want and then decide if giving into your fears is worth giving up that thing which you want.  
  
Jack: First time in your life you have ever listen to me.  
  
John: Not the first time.  
  
They stared at each other.  
  
Jack: So what is the plan to get the suit back and how can I help?  
  
John laid out the plan that he and DK came up with. It was simplicity at its best.  
  
Jack: John, what are you hoping for from Aeryn Sun? From what you told me, the situation between you two was left pretty badly and now she must believe that you are dead, like the other John.  
  
John got quiet. He looked away from his father.  
  
John: That was the one thing she could not bare to see again. Me dying. I heard her voice over my com before I got sucked through the wormhole. She was watching. I do not know what I am going to find when I get back there but whatever it is, (he paused for a moment) I love her, Dad. No matter how I tried to fight or even forget it. I love her.  
  
Jack: That was really all I needed to hear.  
  
John: I wish there was a way I could let you know that I am okay once I get out there.  
  
Jack: When do you leave? 


	2. Destination UT

Part II-Destination UT  
  
The afternoon before John was to blast off he found himself in that familiar place where he was several years ago before his first flight. Sitting on the hood of his car staring at the spaceship but this time his dad was sitting beside him. John was soaking in the warmth of the Florida sun and the smell of the wild flowers floating in the warm air. Jack was staring at his only son trying to memorize his face. John looked at him out of the corner of his eye.  
  
John: Something wrong?  
  
Jack: Just wondering what you were thinking about?  
  
John took a deep breath and let it out.  
  
John: Not thinking just absorbing.  
  
Jack: There are very few men who can say that they have had the privilege to soar above the planet and travel with the stars.  
  
John: I am living the dream. Living the dream.  
  
John looked up at the clear blue sky.  
  
Jack: You look at peace with yourself.  
  
He looked back toward the spaceship.  
  
John: Everything about this feels right. I wish I could explain this need I have to go back. With all I went through out there, it should be the last place I would ever want to be. I have this uncontrollable feeling, urge, desire, call it what you want, to be back on Moya with my friends.  
  
He looked at his father.  
  
Jack: Your family.  
  
John shook his head. Jack grinned.  
  
John: What?  
  
Jack: You said the same thing when you were trying to convince me and your mother to let you go away to space camp with DK when you were a little boy. A feeling, urge.  
  
John laughed softly.  
  
John: And look how well that turned out.  
  
They looked at each other and shared a humorous father/son moment. Jack slipped off the hood of the car.  
  
Jack: We better get you back or they are going to have your head.  
  
John: A couple more minutes, okay?  
  
Jack looked into his baby blues. He sat back down.  
  
Jack: Okay.  
  
John wanted to take in this time with his father and savor it because he was not sure when they would see each other again, if ever.  
  
****** Jack and DK were the last goodbyes John had to say and the most difficult. His sisters were furious with him for going back and with his father for supporting his decision.  
  
The night before he was put into quarantine Caroline came to see him.  
  
John: Your not mad at me to are you?  
  
Caroline: Would it do any good?  
  
John: No.  
  
Caroline: Is she worth it Johnny?  
  
John: She?  
  
Caroline: I know you. At least I used to know what motivated you, I can think of no other reason you would risk going up there again.  
  
He looked into her eyes and gently stroked her cheek with a half smile on his face. He softly kissed her lips.  
  
John: Goodbye Caroline. Take care of yourself.  
  
She laid her hand on his chest and looked into his eyes.  
  
Caroline: You do the same.  
  
And with that he walked away from his past and headed toward his future. ****** The next morning John suited up in his suit from Moya. The simplistic plan. He simply asked for it. He was not nervous or scared. He was excited. Excited to see Moya and the gang again but mostly he was anticipating touching the face that haunted his every dream.  
  
As John was about to exit the shuttle, he took one last opportunity to communicate with his dad.  
  
John: (smiling) This is John Robert Crichton, Jr, signing off from somewhere in the universe.  
  
Jack could not help smiling.  
  
DK: Whenever you are ready John.  
  
John: Thanks for everything.  
  
DK: See you in the papers.  
  
John: Goodbye Dad.  
  
Jack: Goodbye Son.  
  
John: Till we see each other again whether on earth or amongst the stars.  
  
John released the hatch and flew out into space. He knew the wormhole was coming. He could feel it. He signaled for the shuttle pilot to move the shuttle away.  
  
John took his last look at earth as the wave of clear blue opened just below him. John turned toward the wormhole.  
  
John: (He started humming the melody to The Beach Boys Surfing Safari.) Now this is a monster wave.  
  
He smiled.  
  
John took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He cleared his mind and focused. His eyes opened slowly.  
  
John: Aeryn.  
  
He allowed the pull of the wormhole to take him in.  
  
****** Pilot: Captain Dargo?  
  
Dargo: Yes Pilot.  
  
Pilot: Moya is picking up some strange readings on her scanners.  
  
Dargo: What kind of readings? A ship?  
  
Pilot: No, the readings are very similar to the ones that accompany a wormhole.  
  
Dargo: Are we at a safe enough distance Pilot?  
  
Pilot: Yes but.  
  
The wormhole began to form.  
  
Sikozu: But what Pilot, is there a problem?  
  
Pilot: Moya detects an object coming through the wormhole.  
  
Chiana rushed into command and stood next to Dargo at the console. Ever since the day John disappeared into the wormhole every time one opens up she looks for him to re-emerge.  
  
Chiana: Is it a ship Pilot or a person?  
  
Pilot: The density of tormented space make it difficult to determine.  
  
The three of them stood staring out the view screen as the wormhole opened further. Sikozu was holding his notebook. She had been going over and over his equations since he disappeared trying to find a way to follow him but the missing ingredient was eluding her.  
  
Rygel flew his throne sled into command.  
  
Rygel: Why the yotz have we stopped? I have some currency to spend.  
  
He looked toward the view screen just as the something emerged from the wormhole.  
  
Rygel: I do not believe it.  
  
They just stood there in awe when a crackling sound came over the coms.  
  
John: Pilot, I could use a little help. How about throwing me a rope?  
  
Chiana: (screaming) John!  
  
John: Hey Chi.  
  
Dargo: Pilot, get him aboard.  
  
Pilot: Deploying the docking web now.  
  
Chiana started to rush out.  
  
Sikozu: I am glad that Crichton is alive as well but are you not forgetting one small detail.  
  
The three of them stopped in their tracks and looked at her.  
  
Sikozu: What are we going to tell him about Aeryn?  
  
Chiana looked at Dargo.  
  
Chiana: She is right. That is probably the first question he will ask. What do we tell him?  
  
Dargo: We tell him the truth.  
  
Dargo walked out and the others followed.  
  
Sikozu stopped by Scorpius cell.  
  
Sikozu: Have you heard? Crichton is back.  
  
Scorpius sat up.  
  
Scorpius: He survived the wormhole without a ship? That is impossible.  
  
Sikozu: Well he is here and he is alive.  
  
Scorpius moved over to the bars. He looked both ways down the corridors.  
  
Scorpius: Let me know his physical condition. Any anomalies.  
  
Sikozu nodded her head and left.  
  
Scorpius: (whispering to himself) He is more valuable than even I imagined.  
  
****** Dargo helped Crichton get to his feet. He was a little lightheaded. Chiana removed the helmet. She stared at his face. He smiled at her.  
  
John: You missed a hell of a ride Pip.  
  
She smiled and threw her arms around his neck. He laughed and lifted her off her feet. Dargo slapped him on his back.  
  
Dargo: It is good to see you, my friend.  
  
John looked over his shoulder.  
  
John: You too big man.  
  
John looked around and saw Rygel and Sikozu enter. He put Chiana down.  
  
Pilot: Commander Crichton, Moya and I are pleased to have you back with us.  
  
John: Thank you Pilot. It is real good to be back.  
  
Chiana: So tell us frellnik where have you been all this time?  
  
John: Long story which I will tell you later. First things first (He looked at Dargo.) Where is Aeryn?  
  
Dargo: A great deal has happened since you disappeared.  
  
The smile faded from his face.  
  
John: Where is she? 


	3. Night of the Mind

Part III-Night of the Mind  
  
John stood in the med chamber staring at Aeryn. She was so still. She had electrodes on her head monitoring her brain activity. Dargo, Chiana, and Rygel were in the background. He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it softly. He looked over his shoulder at them. Noranti was standing across the med bay working with some herbs.  
  
John: (his voice was eerily calm) Somebody talk to me.  
  
Dargo: She watched you disappear through the wormhole. She watched you die, so we thought. It was more than she could handle.  
  
John: Aeryn is a lot of things but weak is not one of them.  
  
Chiana walked over to the other side of the table and laid her hand on Aeryn.  
  
Chiana: She went farbot after you disappeared. She forced Sikozu and even Scorpius to go over and over the notes in your notebook to try to figure out when the wormhole would open again so that she could follow you in.  
  
Rygel: She thought it was the false Earth scenario happening all over again.  
  
Chiana: Of course they could not figure out the missing equation.  
  
Rygel: She kept expecting you to come back or for us to be able to follow you.  
  
Dargo: She would spend arns flying around in her prowler trying to create the same conditions you created that time on Dam ba da thinking that if she could then may be the wormhole would come. She nearly killed herself several times. It got to the point where we had to incapacitate her prowler and your module. The pods could not generate the speed she needed.  
  
John turned back to Aeryn.  
  
Chiana: For monens she would not let us leave that area of tormented space. She kept thinking that you would find your way back and that you would need us to be there when you did.  
  
Rygel: She would not even entertain the possibility that you were gone for good.  
  
John: How did she end up a poster child for catatonia?  
  
Everyone looked toward Dargo.  
  
Dargo: I made a decision. As Captain of Moya, I had to think about the entire crew.  
  
John: What did you do to her?  
  
Noranti: I gave her a mixture that helped clear her mind of all thoughts.  
  
John: Like the stuff you gave me?  
  
Noranti: Similar but she needed something much more potent. Something that would work for longer periods of time.  
  
He looked at Dargo.  
  
John: (anger rising in his voice) Have you lost your mind? You were giving me that long speech about taking anything that Granny gave me and you turn around and use something even stronger on Aeryn.  
  
Dargo: It was getting difficult to control her behavior. We could not watch over her every microt.  
  
Sikozu: She was being tortured mentally and torturing herself physically.  
  
John stared at Noranti.  
  
John: I am back now so wake her up.  
  
Chiana: That is the problem.  
  
John: What is?  
  
Rygel: Noranti stopped giving her the herbs several weeknens ago and we have not been able to revive her.  
  
John reached over the table and grabbed Noranti.  
  
John: What the hell did you do to her?  
  
Noranti: Just wanted to help like I helped you.  
  
John: This is nothing like me. Look at her. She is comatose.  
  
Dargo pulled John off of Noranti.  
  
Dargo: We have done everything we can to revive her. Nothing works.  
  
John forcibly pulled away from Dargo.  
  
John: What do you think happens when you strip a person of their consciousness? Of their ability to think and reason, what did you expect would be left for her to cling to? What kind of reality could she have with no ability to think or reason?  
  
Chiana: We just wanted to stop her pain, John. No one wanted this to happen.  
  
John looked at Noranti.  
  
John: What do we do now?  
  
Noranti: Aeryn left because she could not handle what she witnessed. The death of the man she loved.  
  
Rygel: For the second time.  
  
Noranti: May be you are the only one who can bring her back.  
  
John: I will do anything. What can I do?  
  
Noranti: We must stimulate her subconscious to force her out from where she has gone. We must make her remember everything, the glory as well as the pain.  
  
John: How? I thought your herbs took that ability away from her?  
  
Noranti: Once the drug has worked itself out of her system, everything should return.  
  
Chiana: Should? You said it would definitely return once we cleansed her system.  
  
Noranti: The mind is a tricky thing. I do not know what will happen. She has gone deeper than anyone I have ever dealt with before.  
  
John pulled up the chair and sat beside the table. He reached up and touched her hair.  
  
Dargo: John, we will all take turns sitting with her, talking with her and trying to get her back.  
  
John looked up at Dargo with a cold look in his eyes.  
  
John: I think you have done enough Captain. You worry about Moya. I will take care of Aeryn.  
  
Chiana: You can not think that any of us wanted this to happen.  
  
John: I do not know what I think, Chi. What I know is that Aeryn has disappeared somewhere inside herself and I do not know if I can get her back.  
  
Rygel: Like she did on Valldon.  
  
Crichton looked at Rygel.  
  
John: She found her way back from that. She can from this too.  
  
He leaned over her.  
  
John: Aeryn?  
  
There was no response.  
  
John: Baby. It is John. I am here. I came back.  
  
Dargo laid his hand on his shoulder.  
  
Dargo: We have tried everything. We have not been able to reach her.  
  
John: I will talk to her until she hears me.  
  
******  
  
Aeryn was sitting curled up in a ball in a cold, dark room. Her head was leaning against the wall and her eyes were closed. Around her there were distorted sounds that echoed in her ears like tortured screams. Suddenly there was a warm light touching her face. She opened her eyes slowly terrified to see but afraid to look away. The light was very bright. She lifted her hand to shield her eyes.  
  
Zhann: Aeryn.  
  
Aeryn sat up slowly.  
  
Aeryn: Zhann?  
  
Zhann: You have been here long enough surrounded by this darkness. It is time to let the light back in.  
  
The walls around Aeryn became illuminated with images of John. She stood up. She turned in a slow 360 looking at them all. Some made her smile, even laugh, and some made her sad.  
  
Zhann: (speaking close to her ear) It is time for you to go back and claim your life.  
  
Aeryn: How are you here? I do not understand.  
  
Zhann: When I gave you my spiritual energy, I gave you a part of myself. I reside in a small part of your subconscious. I could feel you slipping away. I could not let you do that. You have to go back.  
  
Aeryn: I can not. I do not know how to live without John. I have tried and failed. I prefer to stay here.  
  
Zhann: Surrounded by hopelessness and despair? Is this what you intend to do with the gift I gave you?  
  
Aeryn: I told you it was a bad trade. Your health for mine. You should have just let me stay dead at least John would still be alive.  
  
Zhann: You are not responsible for either of them. We are born with a destiny Aeryn. We do not control our own much less the people we love.  
  
Aeryn: I am so tired of feeling this pain. I just want to rest.  
  
The images of John disappeared. Aeryn looked at Zhann. Zhann looked around at the darkness surrounding Aeryn.  
  
Zhann: This is what you call rest?  
  
Aeryn: I was born into a world of darkness and fear may be that is where I am destined to spend eternity. John was my light and now he is gone.  
  
Zhann: The light you seek is inside of you. You must find the strength to live.  
  
Aeryn: Why?  
  
Zhann: For him.  
  
Aeryn: John is gone.  
  
Zhann: It is not John that I speak of. It is him.  
  
Zhann closed her eyes. Aeryn stepped further into the light. Suddenly there was the sound of rapid beating. Zhann smiled and opened her eyes.  
  
Zhann: He is who I speak of.  
  
Aeryn: Who is it?  
  
Zhann: Your son. His heartbeat.  
  
Her eyes opened and smiled at Aeryn.  
  
Zhann: Would you silence such an incredible sound to remain in this dark place?  
  
Aeryn: My son?  
  
Aeryn laid her hand on her stomach. Her eyes shined with unshed tears. She looked up at Zhann.  
  
Zhann: Leave this place.  
  
Aeryn: How?  
  
Zhann: Remember love. Rejoice in it. Celebrate it. Let go of the pain. It is time to forgive yourself.  
  
Aeryn closed her eyes when Zhann reached out to touch her face. She felt warmth caress her. Her hands were still resting on her stomach as the sound of her unborn child echoed in her ears.  
  
****** John sat with Aeryn for arns talking to her about everything. He spoke of the first time they met and all their adventures leading them to this point. Some of the stories he conveyed did not seem like memories of his own but some how they were. He did not know how he knew them they were just there.  
  
His voice was hoarse from speaking. Eventually his own exhaustion caught up to him. Chiana convinced him to go to his chambers and have a rest. He agreed as long as she stayed with Aeryn while he was gone.  
  
John reluctantly left the med chamber. 


	4. Love Revisited

Part IV Love Revisited  
  
Dargo was standing outside the med chamber. John moved around him without saying a word. Dargo turned.  
  
Dargo: Can we speak?  
  
John: I am really tired. Can it wait?  
  
Dargo: (demanding tone) No.  
  
John: Fine. Walk and talk.  
  
Dargo was stumbling over his words. John walked swiftly to his chambers. He sat on the bed and kicked his boots off.  
  
Dargo: I know you blame me for what has happened to Aeryn. You know I would not willing do anything to hurt her.  
  
John: (lowering his eyes) I do not blame anyone. I just want her back.  
  
Dargo: The advice I gave you about protecting yourself and not letting her in. It was wrong. I was wrong. I could see that when you went missing through that wormhole. She was even more devastated than when she came back to Moya after the other you died.  
  
John: You were just trying to help.  
  
Dargo: I had no right to push my own personal feelings on to you and Aeryn.  
  
John: Your feelings?  
  
Dargo: The greatest pain I ever experienced was the loss of my wife and then my child. I could see that very real possibility happening with you and Aeryn and I just wanted to try to shield you from what I went through.  
  
John: Our situations are not the same. Your wife was murdered and you sent your son away for his safety. That is not what was happening here.  
  
Dargo: I know but the pain and loss would be the same.  
  
John: I pushed her away because I did not trust her connection to Scorpius. I did not trust her. I needed her to tell me where she was all that time and what she had gotten in to and how in the hell she hooked up with leather face?  
  
Dargo: And now you do not need to know?  
  
John: I still want to know but there is something that I want that is more important than that.  
  
Dargo: Aeryn?  
  
John: Yes and the baby.  
  
Dargo: The genetic testing still has not been done.  
  
John looked up at Dargo. He spoke with clarity and confidence in his tone.  
  
John: There is no one in this universe who has more of a right to claim that child than I do. Whether we match genetically or not that child is as much a part of me, of my heart, as Aeryn.  
  
Dargo: We do not know how she is going to be if she wakes up.  
  
His expression changed.  
  
John: WHEN she wakes up she will be fine.  
  
Dargo: Are we okay?  
  
John smiled slightly.  
  
John: I told you before. There is nothing that you could do that would ever make me stop being your friend. Just do me a favor?  
  
Dargo: Name it.  
  
John: Do not ever let grandma give Aeryn anything else, if I am not around.  
  
Dargo smiled slightly. He went over and sat on the bed.  
  
Dargo: What happened to you? Where have you been?  
  
John began relating the story of his time with Einstein and his journey home.  
  
***** Chiana was babbling on and on about some deal she and Rygel were working on for the next trading post they found. She was tinkering with some jars on the table on the other side of the med chamber. She dropped the jar she was holding when she turned to look at Aeryn and saw Aeryn looking back at her. Chiana smiled.  
  
Chiana: Frell. You are awake.  
  
Aeryn: (speaking softly) You are going to get us all arrested or killed if you and Rygel try that.  
  
Chiana hurried over to the table.  
  
Chiana: You heard what I was saying?  
  
Aeryn: Some.  
  
Aeryn turned her head. Her eyes looked around the med chamber.  
  
Aeryn: What happened? How did I end up here?  
  
Aeryn tried to raise her head but the room started spinning. Chiana pushed her shoulders back down on to the table.  
  
Chiana: Take it easy.  
  
Aeryn laid her hands on her forehead.  
  
Chiana: Do you remember anything?  
  
Aeryn: The old woman gave me something after that not much.  
  
She rubbed her eyes.  
  
Aeryn: How long have I been out?  
  
She turned her head toward Chiana.  
  
John: (voice cracking with emotion) Too long.  
  
The voice came from behind her. Aeryn stared straight at Chiana with a look of fear and hope in her eyes. Chiana looked up toward the sound of the voice and smiled. She looked down at Aeryn.  
  
Chiana: You have a visitor. He has been waiting for a while to talk with you.  
  
Chiana walked around the table and passed Crichton. She touched his arm. He smiled at her.  
  
John stepped inside the med chamber. Aeryn still did not turn her head. She was afraid of what she would find when she did. John walked up beside the table.  
  
John: You are not even going to say hello? I came all the way back across the universe for you. The least you could do is look at me and say hello.  
  
Aeryn closed her eyes when she felt a hand stroke her cheek. She turned her head slowly. John leaned over her.  
  
John: Open your eyes baby. (He blew gently into her face.) I have been waiting a long time to look in those beautiful eyes again.  
  
When Aeryn opened her eyes a stream of tears escaped.  
  
Aeryn: John? Are you really here?  
  
John: Touch me and find out.  
  
Her hand was shaking noticeably as it approached his face. When she laid her hand on his warm face he smiled. She stared into his eyes.  
  
John: Hey.  
  
Aeryn: (smiling) Hey.  
  
She lovingly stroked his cheek and stared into his bright blue eyes.  
  
Aeryn: Where have you been?  
  
John: I could ask you the same question.  
  
She sat up like a jack in the box and threw her arms around his neck. He sat on the table beside her and held her close.  
  
Aeryn: You are alive and you are here.  
  
She held him tight and would not or could not let him go.  
  
John: Not that I do not love this fly paper thing we have going here but you really should be resting.  
  
She pulled her head back.  
  
Aeryn: Apparently that is all I have been doing for a while.  
  
She took his face into her hands.  
  
Aeryn: Where have you been John Crichton?  
  
John: (He got a playful expression on his face) Depends? Do you mean figuratively or literally?  
  
She shook her head and slipped her arms back around him. He stroked her mane of hair.  
  
John: It is all right. I am home now. From the way you are behaving I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder.  
  
Aeryn pulled back and saw the smug look on his face. She pushed him off the table onto the floor.  
  
John: Ouch!  
  
Aeryn: (playful anger in her voice) Do not ever do that to me again Crichton?  
  
He smiled up at her.  
  
John: I love you too.  
  
Her face softened.  
  
Aeryn: (without hesitation or fear) I do love you.  
  
Her eyes searched his for a response.  
  
John: I know that. (He stood up and sat beside her.) Now.  
  
Aeryn: What happened to you?  
  
John: I will tell you after you get some rest. You have to take better care of yourself. You have the little guy to think about you know.  
  
John touched her stomach.  
  
Aeryn: How did you know?  
  
John: Know what?  
  
Aeryn: That it is a boy? You called him little guy.  
  
John smiled.  
  
John: A father always knows.  
  
Aeryn: Father?  
  
John: Do you mind?  
  
Aeryn: No.  
  
John: How do you know?  
  
Aeryn: Know what?  
  
John: He is a boy.  
  
She thought of her time with Zhann. A sweet smile came to her face. She lowered her hand on top of his and laid back. The room was still spinning a little. He leaned forward and stared into her eyes.  
  
John: You get some rest. I will be here when you wake up.  
  
Aeryn: Promise?  
  
John smiled at her.  
  
John: I promise.  
  
He touched his forehead to hers. Their lips met in a gentle kiss. Aeryn closed her eyes reluctantly but sleep was claiming her. He sat with her until he was sure she was asleep. ****** Aeryn had no permanent damage from the drug Noranti gave her. She was up and around in a couple of days. She had seemed distracted every now and then but it did not seem to be from the drug. She had something on her mind.  
  
******* John and Dargo were in command. They were plotting out the course to the next commerce planet. Moya needed to be restocked. Tormented space was more than just the Bermuda Triangle of space. It was like being in the dessert and trying to find the only four watering holes when it came to finding supplies.  
  
John: Is Moya sure about the status of this planet?  
  
Pilot: As sure as she can be with the density of this space. We will know more once we get within range of the planet.  
  
Dargo: Which will be when?  
  
Pilot: Approximately 10 arns.  
  
John stood up.  
  
John: Well I am going to chill out until then. Call me if you need me.  
  
Dargo: I will.  
  
John: Where is Aeryn?  
  
Pilot: I believe she is out on the terrace.  
  
John: Thanks.  
  
***** Aeryn was sitting near the edge of the terrace with her notebook. John stood in the doorway listening to her practicing English words.  
  
Aeryn: Vic-tor-ee. Victorea?  
  
John: Victory. You had the pronunciation right the first time.  
  
She looked over her shoulder and smiled.  
  
John: Hey.  
  
Aeryn: Hey.  
  
John: Mind if I join you?  
  
Aeryn: Pull up a set.  
  
John smiled at her attempt.  
  
John: Seat.  
  
She nodded.  
  
Aeryn: Seat. That is what I meant.  
  
John sat beside her. She looked down at the notebook.  
  
John: Can I ask you a question?  
  
Aeryn: Does any one ever say no to that?  
  
He grinned.  
  
Aeryn: Go ahead.  
  
John: Why the big push to learn English?  
  
She closed the book and looked up at him.  
  
Aeryn: Before John died I told him I would go back to Earth with him. He made this to help me with the language.  
  
John looked out at the stars.  
  
John: I sort of figured.  
  
She leaned into John.  
  
Aeryn: I am still hoping to see all those places I heard about.  
  
John did not respond. She slipped her hand in his.  
  
Aeryn: Please do not be hurt by this. I loved him. I can not apologize for that.  
  
John: I know and you should not have to.  
  
He looked into her eyes.  
  
John: Because of the drug Noranti gave me and possibly my exposure to that game Stark made, I have had some memories of his incorporated into mine. Memories from his time on Talyn with you.  
  
Aeryn lowered her head. He kissed the top of it.  
  
John: I am beginning to understand more and more about what it is you two shared.  
  
Aeryn looked up at him.  
  
John: I am not saying it is easy to know but I can see what you meant when you said you two were perfect.  
  
There was silence for a few microts.  
  
John: I am sorry Aeryn.  
  
She looked up at him.  
  
Aeryn: What for?  
  
John: Not understanding, not appreciating, the enormity of your loss. I had no right to expect you to just pick up like nothing happened because something did. The man you loved died.  
  
He ran his fingertips along her arm.  
  
John: He died in your arms. You must have been on emotional overload and I did not help matters any.  
  
She laid her head on his shoulder and rested her forehead against his chin.  
  
John: There are some things that I do not know though. That only you can tell me.  
  
Aeryn: Like?  
  
John: Tell me about Valldon?  
  
Her eyes closed.  
  
John: Aeryn?  
  
Aeryn: What brought that up?  
  
John: If it is too difficult for you to talk about, you do not have to. Rygel and Crais filled me in on some things but I wanted to hear it from you.  
  
Aeryn lifted her body off of him and moved away slightly. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.  
  
John: You still have pain when you think about it?  
  
Aeryn: I was free falling after John died. There was nothing, no one to hold on to. Valldon is where I finally fell.  
  
She was staring off into the distance. John was staring at her.  
  
Aeryn: I went there because Stark told me that there were medians there that could contact the dead.  
  
John: You wanted to reach John?  
  
Aeryn: I just wanted something to fill that empty place inside of me. I wanted the hurt to stop.  
  
She looked in his eyes.  
  
Aeryn: Yes. I wanted to reach John.  
  
She stared off again.  
  
Aeryn: I never felt anything like that before not even when Velorek. (slight pause) Every microt I had to keep reminding myself to breathe when all I really wanted to do was stop and go wherever he was. So when Stark told me about Valldon.  
  
John: You had to go. What were you hoping for?  
  
Aeryn: I did not have any hope. That was the problem then and that was the problem when I returned to Moya and saw you for the first time. There was this emptiness where love used to live and I needed to fill it with something.  
  
John: What did you fill it with?  
  
Aeryn: Anger and resentment.  
  
John: At?  
  
Aeryn: You for looking like him, sounding like him, and feeling like him.  
  
John just listened.  
  
Aeryn: Him for dying. (She looked at John.) Me for not being able to save him. It was just everything in general. Letting you in would have meant letting go of that anger and letting go of him. I just was not ready to do that.  
  
John: You know what happened was not your fault. You could not have stopped him any more than you could have stopped me, if I were in his position.  
  
Aeryn: I knew that here (pointing to her head) but here (pointing to her heart) was not ready to accept that.  
  
She laid her head back on his shoulder. John rested his chin against her silky raven hair.  
  
John: We are passed that.  
  
She lifted her head and looked at him.  
  
Aeryn: I am sorry for shutting you out when I first came back to Moya. It is just that when I looked at you all I could see was him. Or a substitute for him and I could not take it in. The enormity of the loss and the joy of seeing your face when I stepped off that pod. It was all so overwhelming. Everything inside me just shut down.  
  
John: Do you still see a substitute of the man you loved when you look at me?  
  
She turned her body towards him. She reached her hand out and touched his cheek.  
  
Aeryn: I see John Crichton. The man that I love and SOON the father of my son.  
  
John took her hand in his. He kissed the back of it and pulled her to him. She laid her head back on his shoulder.  
  
John: Apology accepted.  
  
He kissed the top of her head.  
  
John: (The gravity of what she said hit him.) How soon?  
  
Aeryn: As soon as we find medical assistance that we can trust.  
  
John sat bolt upright.  
  
John: Are you sure?  
  
Aeryn lifted her head and looked in his eyes.  
  
Aeryn: I think he has waited long enough. What do you think?  
  
John: I thought you wanted things to be right, settled, safe?  
  
Aeryn: He can not stay in there forever. This is as settled as our lives are ever going to be.  
  
She moved onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.  
  
Aeryn: We have never felt more right. He will never be safer than wrapped in these arms. (She took his arms and wrapped them around her waist.) But if you are not sure we can wait until you are but I have to tell you I am very anxious to meet him. To know the person he will become. If you are not ready for this then we can wait.  
  
John: (smiling slightly) You must be kidding. I only wish I had cigars to pass out.  
  
Aeryn tuned up her face.  
  
Aeryn: Cigars?  
  
John: Human speak for it is a boy.  
  
Aeryn: Oh.  
  
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. They hugged. 


End file.
